IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
$IRA
THE RETIREMENT PLAN FOR PEOPLE WHO SPENT THEIR 20s IN THE TRENCHES.
$IRA / $SOL
LAUNCHING ON OTC · SOLANA
IMAGINE ONE PLAY COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.
WE SPENT YEARS TRYING TO RETIRE FROM MEMECOINS.
WE HAVE SOL, MEMECOINS, WALLETS, AND ONE MORE RUNNER.
SOLANA IS THE BANK.
$IRA IS THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
THE ENTIRE THESIS IN ONE IMAGE.
“IMAGINE ONE PLAY COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.”
That sentence is basically how every trencher has approached crypto for years.
Every new ticker was: “maybe this is the one.”
Every cycle was: “maybe this is retirement.”
Every bag was: “long-term investment.”
So we finally gave that delusion an account.
IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT. $IRA
EVERY TRADE WAS ALWAYS
SUPPOSED TO BE RETIREMENT MONEY.
NOW WE FINALLY HAVE AN ACCOUNT FOR IT.
$IRA
YOU DON'T HAVE A 401(K). YOU HAVE SOL. YOUR REAL RETIREMENT PLAN IS PROBABLY THIS WALLET.
$IRA / $SOL
IMAGINE ONE PLAY
COULD SET YOU UP FOR RETIREMENT.
For years, crypto traders told themselves every trade was retirement money. Most of us do not have a pension, a 401(k), or some giant TradFi account waiting for us. We have SOL, memecoins, wallets, and the belief that one more runner might finally let us retire.
We bought frogs, dogs, cats and badly drawn internet characters.
BUT THE GOAL NEVER CHANGED. RETIRE.
That is why $IRA exists. The Imaginary Retirement Account is the retirement account of the trenches. Not because we suddenly became responsible. Because we finally gave our delusion a financial product.
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT FOR PEOPLE WITH NO RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
YOU HAVE NO PENSION.
↓
YOU HAVE NO 401(K).
↓
YOU HAVE SOL.
↓
YOU KEEP APING MEMECOINS.
↓
YOU KEEP SAYING: “ONE MORE RUNNER AND I RETIRE.”
↓
WELCOME TO: IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
↓
$IRA
$IRA / $SOL
ON OTC.
A BRIEF HISTORY OF ALMOST RETIRING.
- 2009
BITCOIN
“Maybe this will retire us.”
- 2017
ICO BOOM
“Maybe this will retire us.”
- 2021
MEMECOINS
“Okay THIS will definitely retire us.”
- 2022
PORTFOLIO -90%
“Long-term investor.”
- 2024–2025
ONE MORE CYCLE.
“Any day now.”
- 2026
TRENCHERS DISCOVER RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS.
“There was an account this whole time?”
- 2026
$IRA COMES HOME TO SOLANA.
$IRA / $SOL — ON OTC
WE FINALLY BUILT A RETIREMENT PLAN. SORT OF.
PAYCHECK
↓
401(K)
↓
RETIREMENT
SOL
↓
MEMECOINS
↓
ONE MORE RUNNER
↓
RETIREMENT
SAME GOAL.
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STRATEGY.
WHY $SOL?
If you spend your entire life in the Solana trenches, what else would your imaginary retirement account be paired with?
SOL is the native asset of the ecosystem.
$IRA is the retirement account of the people living inside it.
SOLANA TRENCHER
↓
BUILDS THE BAG IN SOL
↓
APES MEMECOINS
↓
TELLS HIMSELF: “ONE MORE RUNNER AND I RETIRE”
↓
$IRA / $SOL
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT OF THE SOLANA TRENCHES.
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
FOR PEOPLE WHO THINK
RETIREMENT IS ONE 100X AWAY.
ACCOUNT HOLDER:
AVERAGE TRENCHER
AGE:
TOO YOUNG TO CARE ABOUT RETIREMENT
RETIREMENT TARGET:
NEXT WEEK
ASSET ALLOCATION:
100% CONVICTION
RISK TOLERANCE:
YES
FINANCIAL ADVISOR:
THE GROUP CHAT
CAN I RETIRE YET?
GETTING MONEY
AND SAVING
IS ALWAYS ON META.
WE IMAGINE RETIREMENT.
YOUR IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT KEEPS CONTRIBUTING.
Trading activity generates creator fees. Those fees are used to market-buy $IRA. The bought-back $IRA is then airdropped to holders.
TRADING
↓
CREATOR FEES
↓
MARKET BUY $IRA
↓
AIRDROP $IRA TO HOLDERS
FEES → BUYBACKS → HOLDERS.
PAYCHECK
↓
CONTRIBUTION
↓
RETIREMENT ACCOUNT
TRADING ACTIVITY
↓
CREATOR FEES
↓
$IRA BUYBACKS
↓
HOLDER AIRDROPS
SAME IDEA. MUCH WORSE FINANCIAL ADVISOR.
SIZE MATTERS. TIME MATTERS. CONVICTION MATTERS.
Holder reward weight considers both position size and time held. A wallet holding for hours should be treated differently from one arriving seconds before distribution. The goal is to reward conviction, not just last-second size.
THE BIGGER THE POSITION.
THE LONGER THE HOLD.
THE MORE CONVICTION YOU SHOW.
WELCOME TO THE IRA CULT.
- 1THOU SHALT IMAGINE RETIREMENT.
- 2THOU SHALT SAY “ONE MORE CYCLE.”
- 3THOU SHALT CALL EVERY BAG A LONG-TERM INVESTMENT.
- 4THOU SHALT KEEP SOL IN THE WALLET AFTER LOSING MONEY ON 700 MEMECOINS.
- 5THOU SHALT REMAIN LONG RETIREMENT.
WE ARE NOT OLD. WE ARE JUST PLANNING VERY EARLY.
THE DAILY BROKERAGE — FINANCIAL SECTION — PAGE 4
BREAKING: TRENCHER DISCOVERS YOU CAN HOLD SOMETHING FOR MORE THAN 45 SECONDS.
“Apparently money can compound,” said one local trader, visibly shaken.
Sources confirm the trader had previously described a 45-second hold as “diamond hands.”
REACTION: HOLY SHIT.
THE MEME WALL.
ONE MORE COIN AND I RETIRE.
PORTFOLIO: -$47,000 / RETIREMENT PLAN: STILL BULLISH
MY 401K: WHAT? MY IRA: IMAGINARY.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR: DIVERSIFY. ME: INTO WHICH MEMECOIN?
SOLANA IS THE BANK. $IRA IS THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
GETTING MONEY AND SAVING IS ALWAYS ON META.
ONE MORE PLAY AND I RETIRE.
MY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT: IMAGINARY.
NORMAL PEOPLE: 401K. TRENCHERS: $IRA.
PORTFOLIO: -93% / RETIREMENT THESIS: UNCHANGED.
THE GOAL WAS ALWAYS RETIREMENT.
FINANCIAL ADVISOR: DIVERSIFY. ME: INTO WHAT TICKER?
OPEN YOUR IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
TIME UNTIL RETIREMENT:
∞
BACK IN THE TRENCHES.
$IRA IS LAUNCHING ON SOLANA.
The joke was always made for trenchers. So the Imaginary Retirement Account belongs where trenchers already live: SOLANA.
$IRA IS THE IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT OF THE SOLANA TRENCHES.
THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT × THE CHAIN WE LIVE ON = $IRA / $SOL.
THE TRENCHES ARE ON SOLANA. THE RETIREMENT ACCOUNT SHOULD BE TOO.
ONE MORE RUNNER AND I RETIRE.
IMAGINARY RETIREMENT ACCOUNT · $IRA
$IRA / $SOL
PAIR: $IRA / $SOL · CHAIN: SOLANA · VENUE: OTC
YOU DON'T HAVE A PENSION.
YOU HAVE SOL.
MIGHT AS WELL CALL IT A RETIREMENT ACCOUNT.
$IRA / $SOL · ON OTC.